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Book Summaries Psychology

Part Two: Create a False Sense of Security—Approach Indirectly

I do not approach her, I merely skirt the periphery of her existence…. This is the first web into which she must be spun.

—SØREN KIERKEGAARD

Never be obvious with your intensions. If you are a friends with someone you want to seduce, do not panic, friendship can lead to deep knowledge of the person. Never be too overt, there is never a good time to apply too much pressure. 

On the street, I do not stop her, or I exchange a greeting with her but never come close, but always strive for distance, Presumably our repeated encounters are clearly noticeable to her; presumably she does perceive that on her horizon a new planet has loomed, which in its course has encroached disturbingly upon hers in a curiously undisturbing way, but she has no inkling of the law underlying this movement. . . . Before I begin my attack, I must first become acquainted with her and her whole mental state.

SØREN KIERKEGAARD, THE SEDUCER’S DIARY, TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V. HONG AND EDNA H. HONG

If the person you are seducing has a strong effect on you, it is especially important to be distant. You must only hint at your existence and never push too hard, this activates the imagination. It allows the mind to wander. 

When there is friendship between a man and a woman, tensions will ease. She can lower her guard. And in such a state, anything (slight physical contact, a look, or an offhand comment) can deeply affect the seduced. She will wonder: “Is there something more here?” 

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.

BEATRICE, IN WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, MUCHADO ABOUT NOTHING

"Silence is the best expression of scorn" - G.B. Shaw

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