Book Summaries Psychology

Part 4: Honest Communication (Models)

The Stories You Tell

Everyone has an excuse for what they fail to do. What stories do you tell yourself? Until you know what they are, you won’t be able to change. Maybe you get nervous in bars and clubs because you feel inadequate – that you aren’t fit or tall or interesting enough.

Maybe you tell yourself that you’re not ready to go out, that you need to read more books about dating, or you need to get a raise first, or buy new clothes, and then you’ll be ready. And then six months go by.

There’s always something that’s missing.

To overcome your anxiety, figure out what your pattern is.

1. Blame Game: This is when you blame others and not yourself for not being interested in meeting women.

2. Apathy and Avoidance: It’s when you convince yourself that women are not important to you, that you don’t care. But this is a trap. You do care. Your biological wiring will eventually win out.

3. Intellectualizing: You have a fear and anxiety related to women, and instead of doing something about it, you look for an answer online. Intellectualizing is harmless because it will lead to more self-awareness and will help you make better decisions, but it can also be used as a form of avoidance.

Sexual Motivation

Another problem is the lack of sexual motivation. It takes a lot of effort to go out and approach women and some men easily convince themselves that it’s not worth it. And since internet porn is easily available, men have found a convenient way to satisfy their sexual urges.

Porn kills your motivation to pursue women in real life. And porn also kills your motivation to improve yourself.

Napoleon Hill wrote about “Sexual Transfiguration” – this describes a phenomenon that Hill noticed. Highly successful men have very high sex drives, but they channeled it towards their work. They would often abstain from sex or masturbation for long periods of time and would feel more energized.

A more scientific explanation has emerged that says that orgasm depletes the body of hormones required for productive work.

The Guide to Overcoming Your Anxiety

Fear cannot be eliminated, but it can be eased an adapted.

The PUA community practiced saying ridiculous things to women, this would ease their anxiety. You don’t need to do that, but at least practice talking to strangers more often, start with basic things like introducing yourself or asking for the time.

Courage and Boldness

Feeling afraid and acting despite of it leads to courage.

And courage is a form of discipline. The difference is that courage is acting against fear, while discipline is acting against laziness.

Full Text

"Silence is the best expression of scorn" - G.B. Shaw

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