It is not the quality of the desired object that gives us pleasure, but rather the energy of our appetites.
—CHARLES BAUDELAIRE, THE END OF DON JUAN
Don’t waste your time chasing after someone who is too difficult to be seduced, but don’t go for easy targets either.
Pick your targets carefully, don’t rush in. If you aim for the first person that seems to like you, then you’re being desperate, not seductive. Whatever attraction that exists will fade away soon enough.
There is pleasure in the chase. Something that comes too easy is anti-seductive.
Likewise, if someone is happy or busy, they are very difficult targets. If they are preoccupied with work, or seem very satisfied, then there is little you can do to deflect their attention – they simply don’t have the brain space for it.
People who are easy targets generally have a lot of leisure time or are bored and in need of adventure.
They must also have an imagination. If they have no imagination and are happy, there is little you can do to seduce them. There must be a promise, something that they will get once they are with you – that they don’t have now. If they have no imagination, your insinuations won’t go very far and if they are content, then it becomes more difficult to lure them.
Most people are self-obsessed, they don’t know how to go outside themselves and think about what the other person wants rather than what they want. They rush in too soon, are too pushy, etc…
You must do the opposite. Take your time, seduction can only happen slowly.
It is a stroke of good fortune to find one who is worth seducing. . .. Most people rush ahead, become engaged or do other stupid things, and in a turn of the hand everything is over, and they know neither what they have won nor what they have lost.
—SØREN KIERKEGAARD
Finally, always look at what is beneath the veneer. The person that seems too loud and theatrical often has deep insecurities, while the person who is outwardly shy and timid tend to be coveting an escape, or a chance to fully express themselves.
Love as understood by Don Juan is a feeling akin to a taste for hunting. It is a craving for an activity which needs an incessant diversity of stimuli to challenge skill.
STENDHAL, LOVE, TRANSLATED BY GILBERT AND SUZANNE SALE
If you’re interested in exploring the darker parts of human psychology that most people ignore, consider reading this short book The Dichotomy of the Self.