Table of Contents
In Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, Dr. Gordon Livingston, a psychiatrist, imparts 30 pearls of wisdom in this short book. He has had his share of suffering in life. Within a year, one of his sons committed suicide and another died in an accident. He was also run over by a snowmobile while standing in a lift line. While this book contains many clichés, they are still worth revisiting.
“Most of the heartbreak that life contains is a result of ignoring the reality that past behavior is the most reliable predictor of future behavior.”
The Wrong Map
Frustration comes from repeating the same mistakes. We all have an idea of how the world should look like and what to expect from people. When reality diverges from our ideas, we are disappointed. To avoid this pattern of self-defeating behavior, we should simply correct our maps of the world.
Behavior not Words
Never put too much value on what people say. A better predictor of people is their past behavior, not their empty speeches.
Three Components of Happiness
“The three components of happiness are something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.”
You love someone when their needs are as important as your own, and when you are ready to be vulnerable to them.
Logic as the Wrong Tool
Some habitual feelings cannot be wrestled away with logic. Most of our behavior is automatic. To change our feelings, we need to communicate with ourselves, identify our emotional needs, and satisfy them.
Relationships and Control
The person who cares the least controls the relationship. Most issues in a relationship come from a loss of self-respect and expectations that have not been fulfilled. What makes you choose one person over another is a combination of lust, readiness, and hope – not some mystical union of two souls.
Prenups are becoming more popular. There is less trust between couples.
The Perfect is the Enemy of the Good
“Our constant challenge is not to seek perfection in ourselves and others, but to find ways to be happy in an imperfect world.”
The dogma you are taught is to chase after security by making money. The world is divided into winners and losers and good vs evil. But thinking in this way will prevent you from ever forming a bond with another human being. Perfectionists are preoccupied with control, and this is good for their professional lives, yet it is the very thing that breaks their relationships.
Why and Why not?
Why? is what you ask if you want to be cautious. Why not? is what you ask if you want to take a risk. Many people never take chances. They end up regretting living a life that was too safe.
The Paradoxes of Life
The relentless pursuit of pleasure brings pain. The greatest risk is not taking any. Everything in life is a good news/bad news story.
To enjoy the time you have, embrace your mortality. Appreciate what you have as time passes.
The Most Secure Prisons are Those We Construct for Ourselves
You rarely think about how you voluntarily impose constraints on yourself. Your fears are your self-imposed limitations. They are usually constructed by bad maps of the world – expectations that everyone in the world will conform to your wishes – they are also construed by the fear and anxiety you have towards risk.
Low expectations protect you from disappointment.
“No one would expect to become good at skiing without falling down. And yet many people are surprised at the hurt that routinely accompanies our efforts to find someone worthy of our love. To take the risks necessary to achieve this goal is an act of courage. To refuse to take them, to protect our hearts against all loss, is an act of despair.”
The Fear of Happiness
If you don’t expect anything from life, you’ll never be disappointed. But you’ll never gain anything either. If you want to be happy, you need to take a risk, and this will put your happiness at risk. Those who have emotional struggles think that they have lost the ability to be happy.
Only bad things happen quickly
What are the things that harm us, but that we keep repeating? Hedonism, impulsivity, narcissism, irritability, and the desire for control. The ultimate delusion is to think that these habits can quickly be changed.
Anything that can produce happiness for you will take a long time to build. The primary virtues of life are patience and determination. If you measure your life by how you look and what you have, you will never be satisfied.
If you are addicted to sudden transformation, then you will prevent yourself from the difficult but more satisfying path of becoming who you want to be.
Not all who Wander are Lost
Don’t panic if you haven’t found the answer to life’s questions yet. It is often the detours in life that will define your future.
Don’t Lie to yourself
When you promise yourself something that you know is a lie, you are inflicting tremendous damage to yourself. Good intentions distract you from the serious work of figuring out who you are and what you truly want. If you waste your time thinking about ideals, then attainable and important objectives will pass you by.
The Myth of the Perfect Stranger
The most common dissatisfaction in life is the belief that you have chosen the wrong partner. This idea comes from the belief that the perfect person exists. Infidelity is very common and is a symptom of the search for idealized love.