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It is difficult to understand the human mind without understanding its pathology. One of the ideas that struck me as odd and pathological is masochism – when people derive pleasure from the experience of pain. Freud defined masochism as any action that brings harm to oneself. At work, the masochist repeats his mistakes or gets himself fired. Sexually, the masochist seeks out feelings of pain and humiliation.
In Masochism and the Self, Roy Baumeister focuses on a more precise definition of masochism that only includes the sexual, because far too many behaviors would be considered masochistic without such a restriction. This is unlike Reik’s perspective on this subject in Masochism in Modern Man, or Becker’s views on Sadomasochism in The Denial of Death.
Before summarizing Roy’s ideas, I will review some of what Reik and Becker had to say.
Reik explained that there are two forms of masochism , social masochism and sexual masochism. Sexual masochism was not about enjoying pain, it was the opposite. Unlike what psychologists such as Roy Baumeister think, the masochist is just like the rest of us, he does not like pain. But the difference is that the masochist has found a method to deal with pain, and that is by administering it to themselves in small doses. By confronting pain voluntarily, the masochist alleviates his deepest fears.
Becker would subscribe to this way of thinking, but the difference is that he thought that this primal fear was death. Masochistic activities are nothing more than a prelude for death, the ultimate fear for any person.
For Reik, it was not the fear of death that is central, but the control of pain. The sexual masochist, through ritual, confronts his fear and anxiety in controlled doses, and then feels pleasure. He is able to triumph in spite of the anxiety.It may even be because of anxiety. But the social masochist has no end goal, it is formless masochism. Instead of controlling pain, he sabotages his own life by subjecting himself to painful experiences. Yet the social masochist is defiant, despite this defeat. His thoughts are that “one day they will appreciate me” or that “I will get revenge against this person who wronged me.”
Roy’s idea more closely resembles Becker. His conclusion is that sexual masochism is about the elimination of the self. Another important idea is that masochism is not simply the inverse of sadism. There is an idea that masochism is simply sadistic urges directed towards oneself because of guilt feelings.
This is a departure from Reik, Becker, and Freud. Roy contends that masochism is primary, and not equal to sadism – that masochism is far more prevalent. And his goal was to understand why. What compels people, in a sexual context, to invite pain to themselves?
Male and Female Masochism
Freud thought that masochism is a feminine impulse, because traditionally, women have had a subservient position in society. There has been push back against this idea by feminists, but Roy seems to agree with Freud because he has found, through letters written by masochist, that male masochists are attracted to feminine activities, such as dressing like women, but female masochists are not attracted to masculine activities.
The Perversion
And when it came to perversion, Freud thought that people who could only have sex through a fetish were perverse, while those who only did so occasionally were normal. The association of perversion with masochism is common among psychiatrists, but according to Roy, this is not because masochists are dysfunctional. Recent surveys have shown that masochists are often well-functioning, normal people. Prostitutes that are paid to cater to masochists have reported powerful men such as politicians and business leaders as their most frequent clients.
The reason masochism has traditionally been associated with mental sickness is that most masochists who are well-functioning are secretive about it, thus, you would expect an over-representation of masochism among the mentally ill.
The History of Masochism
People were not masochistic in ancient times. There is no evidence of the ancient Greeks, Romans, Egyptians or Chinese referring to masochism. Masochistic ideas only began taking shape in the last 200 hundred years. In the 19th century, Sader-Masoch wrote about his predilection for pain and humiliation. He convinced his wife to have sex with a man, while he watched from another room, through the door’s key hole. She didn’t enjoy it, but apparently, he had a great time.
In the book A Billion Wicked Thoughts, researchers scoured the database of the famous porn website, Pornhub, and discovered that search terms related to “cuckold” have skyrocketed and are among the top searched categories by men.
The Pressure of Individuality
Roy noticed that only Western society has any documentation of masochism. And he noticed a pattern that made sense of this. In periods that called for greater individualization, the cultivation of personal identity, we have seen a rise in masochism, while periods that called for greater collectivism saw a decline in masochism. The increase in masochistic tendencies can be attributed to the modern pressure to differentiate oneself from the group.
The Elimination of the Self
The sexual masochistic act, in this sense, is the desire to eliminate the self. Through masochism, the individual reduces his awareness to a lower level, and by doing so, restricts most of reality. When playing the role of the masochist, he is not thinking about his position on the social hierarchy, he transforms into a lesser form. That is what Roy means by “the elimination of the self.” And doing, similar to meditation, is a therapeutic way of escaping one’s individualistic role in society, with all its pressures and frustrations.