Law 44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect
The Mirror Effect is about using people’s narcissism against them. And, as Greene shows, there are many variations of this technique. You should decide which one to use based on your objective. By mirroring people’s actions and sentiments, you can gain their trust. The skill involved is to know how to pay attention to others and understand how they see the world. You will never be able to make your point to anyone, by using arguments. As Baltasar Gracian says, “The truth is seen, rarely heard”.
The Fox and the Stork
One day Mr. Fox decided to fork out And invite old Mrs. Stork out. The dinner wasn’t elaborate—Being habitually mean, He didn’t go in for haute cuisine-In fact it consisted of a shallow plate Of thin gruel. Within a minute Our joker had lapped his plate clean; Meanwhile his guest, fishing away with her beak, Got not a morsel in it. To pay him back for this cruel Practical joke, the stork invited The fox to dinner the following week. “I should be delighted,” He replied; “When it comes to friends I never stand upon pride.” Punctually on the day he ran To his hostess’s house and at once began Praising everything: “What taste! What chic! And the food—done just to a turn!” Then sat down with a hearty appetite (Foxes are always ready to eat) And savored the delicious smell of meat. It was minced meat and served—to serve him right!—In a long-necked, narrow-mouthed urn. The stork, easily stooping, Enjoyed her fill With her long bill; His snout, though, being the wrong shape and size, He had to return to his den Empty-bellied, tail dragging, ears drooping, As red in the face as a fox who’s been caught by a hen. – SELECTED FABLES, JEAN DE LA FONTAINE, 1621-1695
In Greek Mythology, there is a story about a young man called Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection after seeing it through the waters of a pond. But when he realized that it was merely his own reflection, he despaired and drowned himself. We are deeply in love with ourselves, but since, like Narcissus, we cannot find this love in anything but ourselves, we are constantly distraught and unsatisfied. Greene tells us to play on this universal narcissism.
“You look deep into the souls of other people; fathom their inmost desires, their values, their tastes, their spirit; and you reflect it back to them, making yourself into a kind of mirror image. Your ability to reflect their psyche gives you great power over them; they may even feel a tinge of love.”
Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power
But the mirror effect doesn’t only have to be used for flattery, it can be used to teach a moral lesson – by giving people a taste of their own medicine. When you mimic the way someone has wronged you, they are forced to see the error in their own actions. Psychologists and teachers often use this method to counter unpleasant behavior.
When you have come to grips and are striving together with the enemy, and you realize that you cannot advance, you “soak in” and become one with the enemy. You can win by applying a suitable technique while you are mutually entangled. … You can win often decisively with the advantage of knowing how to “soak” into the enemy, whereas, were you to draw apart, you would lose the chance to win. – A BOOK OF FIVE RINGS, MIYAMOTO MUSASHI, JAPAN, SEVENTEENTH CENTURY
Alcibiades of Athens (450-404 B.C) used the mirror effect not to teach anyone a moral lesson, but to gain influence. When he encountered others, he would carefully emulate their tastes, and spoke to their inner most desires. He made them believe that their values were superior to everyone else. His charm was irresistible.
His first victim was Socrates. Alcibiades lived lavishly and had no principles, and really shared none of the philosopher’s ideals of simplicity and honorability. But whenever he met Socrates, he hid his own tendencies. He dressed and ate simply, accompanied the older man on long walks and only spoke about philosophy and virtue. Socrates knew that Alcibiades did not live this way when he was on his own, but he was nonetheless flattered, that only in his presence would this man change his ways.
“This feeling intoxicated Socrates, who became Alcibiades’ fervent admirer and supporter, one day even risking his own life to rescue the young man in battle.”
The Athenians thought of Alcibiades as their best orator – he had an amazing ability to tune into the audience’s psyche and mirror their desires. He made great speeches about invading Sicily, and after gaining Athenian support, he was made the expedition’s commander.
While he was leading the invasion, some Athenians accused him of profaning sacred statues. Alcibiades knew that he would be executed if he went back home, so he abandoned the Athenian fleet and joined Athens’s bitter rival, Sparta.
The Spartans were happy to welcome this great man to their side, but they were wary of him. They knew about his reputation. Alcibiades was a man of luxury, while the Spartans were warriors who lived in austerity – they despised the decadence that luxury brought and feared that the general would corrupt their youth. But Alcibiades unexpectedly quelled their fears. His hair was untrimmed, took cold baths, and ate black broth and coarse bread – he behaved the way the Spartans did.
The Spartans thought that Alcibiades had come to see their values as superior. He was not born a Spartan, but became one, and this earned him great respect. But Alcibiades seduced the King of Sparta’s wife, and made her pregnant – for all his charm, he had little self-restraint. Once again, he had to escape.
This time, he went to Persia. He quickly embraced the lavish Persian lifestyle over Spartan simplicity, and this was, of course, immensely flattering to the Persians. Once again, Alcibiades’ charm managed to hypnotize others – who could not see that he was playing a double game. Alcibiades was secretly helping the Athenians against the Spartans. He was welcomed back to Athens with open arms in 408 B.C.
Early in his career, Alcibiades realized that when he argued his ideas strongly, he would gain little support, but isolate many. But when used his colorful and forceful personality differently, by absorbing the colors of the people around him, he was much more successful. Everyone lives in their narcissistic shell. When you try to force your ego on them, they will put up a resistance. But by mirroring them ‘you seduce them into a kind of narcissistic rapture. They are gazing at a double of their own soul.’
But there is a caveat. If the mirror is used too often, it will be used against you. People will feel betrayed when they see you use your charm with others the way you have with them. The Spartans were so infuriated with Alcibiades that they eventually killed him. The mirror must be used with caution, and sparingly.
Wittgenstein had an extraordinary gift for divining the thoughts of the person with whom he was engaged in discussion. While the other struggled to put his thought into words, Wittgenstein would perceive what it was and state it for him. This power of his, which sometimes seemed uncanny, was made possible, I am sure, by his own prolonged and continuous researches. – LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN: A MEMOIR. NORMAN MALCOLM, 1958
Read The 48 Laws of Power
If you’re interested in exploring the darker parts of human psychology that most people ignore, consider reading this short book The Dichotomy of the Self.