A Way of Being Summary (6/10)

Carl Rogers advances many concepts in A Way of Being that today are more widely accepted. He advocates for openness, self determination, being skeptical of tradition and authority, and of anything that seeks to dominate and control. He urges his readers to seek a balanced life that includes the body and spirit instead of being constrained by only the intellectual. The happiness of the individual can only be achieved when they are educated in all matters. Constraining oneself to a single realm in life results in internal frustrations and resentments.

Wholeness

Unfortunately, many social structures propagate this harmful idea of abandoning wholeness for a distorted sense of competence. In school, students must refrain from physical exercise despite how much physical energy they have. High school students and university students are not encouraged to manifest and understand their sexual instincts in a healthy way – this matter is ignored completely. Instead. The priority is only intellectual.

The conflicted individual who is constantly stifled at every corner develops pathologies that are often tragic.

Roger’s ideas come more from his own personal experience with clients than they do from literature and in this book he recounts several of these stories. One was about Miss West. She lived her life trying to make others happy. Whenever she developed a romantic relationship with someone, she was opposed by her father. Over time, she learned to trust her own instincts less. She felt that she couldn’t possibly know what’s better for her well being, delegating this responsibility to someone else. Whenever she did something that opposed her father’s wishes, she felt an immense amount of guilt. It was easier to obey than to fight.

This stunted her growth and development. She became incapable of making decisions that she emotionally gravitated towards in her lifestyle, relationships, and career.

The tragic story ends in suicide after several cries for help go unnoticed by therapists and her family.

The Person-Centered Approach

Rogers does not believe that human beings can be controlled by force. He advocates a person-centered approach to therapy and education. The individual who is self-determined and self-motivated is capable of any achievement, while the individual that is forced to conform to traditional norms is stifled and restricted.

He accepts that there may have been a time when following tradition was essential in the movement upstream, when education was at its infancy, but we have reached a different point that requires a new paradigm. In this new world, where the current is now moving downstream, there is room for innovation, for being skeptical of authority, and for taking risks. Rogers acknowledges the pathological tendencies of people but unlike most psychology books, this one does not focus on them. Instead Rogers starts with the presupposition that all life is predisposed towards growth. There is a natural will to become integrated and survive. This is similar to Freud’s concept of Eros.

To be effective in fostering this will, people should be listened to. This is not merely advice for psychotherapists but for any relationship whether familial or otherwise. No progress can be made without careful listening. The natural urge is to impose one’s own ideas, to display one’s intellectual dominance, to cater to one’s own ego at the expense of progress. And even though we have long known that this is not effective, it is still pervasive.

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